We don't like labels #shiteveryonesays

Skidmore College has about 2,400 students, which isn't a lot. But I think that it's pretty safe to say that I am close with someone in every different relationship imaginable. International long-distance, national long-distance, dating someone who is still in high school, dating someone who has graduated college, consistent "f***-buddies," sting of one-night-stands, celibacy, "celibacy," open relationships, exclusive hook-up buddy. Pretty much spans it all, and all of it can be found in this tiny, small town, liberal arts school. Amazing.

But the funny thing about college relationships, is that perhaps 80% of the people in the relationships listed above, would label their relationship in false way. Whether you think that trying to break a string of hooking up with the same douchey lax-bro is the same as not being in a string of hook ups with the same douchey lax-bro, or if you are in denial that your long distance relationship is open, people tend to avoid correctly labeling their relationships here. And my favorite example of this is "single by choice."

Now the obvious rational for mislabeling your relationship status is safety. If you say, "oh, its just a fling," it will be far easier to act like it doesn't bother you when things end (but we all know you're crying about it inside). But I think there is a less focused upon, but perhaps just as influential process that goes into labeling. The effort in your relationship to please your partner. I believe that relationships of all kinds can be compared to writing. You want to give your "reader" a positive experience, you want your "reader" to come back after their first "reading," and you want your "reader" to want to tell everyone all about how good your "book" was. And how do we do this? 

Logos, make it seem logical. What to know what doesn't really make sense, but people do anyway? Long distance. So go ahead, lie about how you aren't still dating your girl back home. Cause that makes more sense. 

Ethos, credibility. Whatever you think they're looking for, thats what you're looking for too. If they just want to hook up, you "just want to hook up." 

Pathos, amor. There's absolutely nothing sweet or cute about having a guy to mess around with every night and avoid every day. The label "f***-buddy," is rarely used by self-respecting young men and women.

I think that it is widely recognized that communication is key in relationships; however, we are constantly lying about our desires and thoughts about our relationships. While this goal of this process is to please your partner, its a shame that we as a community cannot be honest with our significant others, and the people around us.

xoxo,

Sean Jesse Parker