I can go the distance #willyoudomostanything

Being tethered to someone back home while at college can be similar to being tethered to your mother. It is becoming more simple as technology makes it easier to communicate with loved ones far away.

Many people, like the girl I interviewed last time, have been in long-distance relationships. I believe that there are three main kinds for college students:

1) One still in high school, one in college

2) Met in high school, both in college

3) Met while in college, both in college

The girl from last time was in high school while dating her girlfriend here. She, as a lot of people do, felt very distant from her. Her girlfriend was experiencing all of the fun things of college, while she was stuck at home. I think that that is the main problem with people stuck in the kind of relationship. And whether she believes it or not, I think that her girlfriend at Skidmore had something major to do with her choice in school, which may have worked out in this case, but in general can be bad.

I have another close friend who is still in a relationship from high school, although her and her boyfriend have both now gone to separate colleges. It’s a struggle for her, due to the distance, especially because they don’t see each other EVER. Its still worth it, because of how she feels about him. They dated for almost a year before going off to school, making it really hard for her to see people in other relationships, knowing what she had, what she has back home, but what she doesn’t have right now.

I am also in a long-distance relationship. I met my boyfriend while I was home for break; he goes to college near my hometown. He actually only lives a couple towns over, so we will be able to continue when I go home. Since we didn’t know each other in high school, we were concerned about jumping into a long-distance relationship. We have avoided this by seeing each other every weekend. While this is great, and I wouldn’t change it for a thing, it has definitely taken away from my ability to be a part of the Skidmore community.


xoxo,
Sean Jesse Parker

Interview with a heterosexual lesbian #lol #jk

S: How do you identify?

L: Queer. Because I don’t really know what I want in life, or who I want it from.

S: How are you listed on Facebook?

L: It’s unlisted actually.

S: Do you feel that there is a social need to identify yourself?

L: I think so. But since being at Skidmore, I feel like that pressure has relaxed.

S: Which gender do you prefer to hook up with, in general?

L: I’ve had more experience with men, but I think I prefer hooking up with women.

S: Does the same go for dating?

L: Dating men is less drama, so it is easier. But then the sex part gets complicated.

S: Tell me about your most defining relationship

L: It was a girl. We dated in high school, and then we were long-distance for a year while she was a freshman at Skidmore. Then I applied here, to my parents’ dismay. I got in and they gave me the best aide, I liked the school from my visiting, so I chose to come here. But, the day after I came back from my pre-orientation, the day before classes started, she broke up with me. I was an emotional wreck. Over the course of the year we were off and on, resulting in a recent break-up.

S: Do you think you two are done for good?

L: I really don’t know. I would like to be, but I for some reason I can’t get my feelings for her out of my head.

S: Despite the messing endings, would you say it was an overall positive or negative experience?

L: Um, I’d say mostly positive, and even the negative parts have taught me something. It has shaped me as a person, and I think that is a good thing.

S: How has it changed your outlook on relationships?

L: It makes me very hesitant to be in one. Also, we never actually said that we were dating; we would just hook up and spend a lot of time together, until we basically were undeniably dating. So I feel more aware of where that line lies now.

S: Has [this girl] had any effect on your preference between boys and girls?

L: I guess so. Because with the experiences with her, I know what I like.

S: Do you enjoy hooking up with men?

L: Yes and no. I don’t always enjoy the sex, but I like everything up to that point.

S: Are you ok with the fact that you don’t know exactly what you want?

L: Yes, because I mean, I have time. And I feel like I’m in a good environment to figure that out.


xoxo,
Sean Jesse Parker

Baby don't hurt me #misleadingtitle #whatislove

When you eat chocolate, hormones shift around in your brain, and you get the feeling of being happy. There are lots of things that affect your moods, which really just means that there are a lot of things that affect the brain. So is love, the euphoric feeling of extreme happiness due to a person, just a chemical reaction?

Well yeah. Everything you “feel” is just reactions of chemicals in your brain. So love fits in to that. But does that have a huge effect on what we think of as love?

Is it real? The chemicals are really reacting, and it is really causing you to feel some way, so sure! Why not?

Can we fall in love “at first sight?” If all it takes to make you feel a strong attraction to someone is a couple of seconds (studies now suggest less than a second), than there is no reason why not.

So if all this is true, do we need to be old to feel it? I don’t see why. In college, we generally take the time to grow into ourselves. This is changing slightly as technology becomes more prevalent, due to our being tethered to our parents and friends through phones and the Internet. But one thing that I don’t think that this has a huge effect on is our relationships. I think that we are still taking college as a time to grow into ourselves in our sexual and emotional adulthood. In the next post, I interview a girl with an interesting relationship history and ask her how she feels about this.


xoxo,
Sean Jesse Parker

To speak, or not to speak #iamnoangel

It can either be an exciting addition to a fun night, or an awkward moment that is either quickly ignored or ruins an evening. Dirty talk. Urban dictionary describes this as "talking with another person, describing mutual sexual activity, with the aim of causing sexual arousal." In my experience, both personal and from talking to friends, I think that this can either be a huge success or a huge flop.

If you want to hear it, there can be nothing sexier than someone telling you just how much they like what you're doing, and exactly what they want you to do. Even if the actual talking isn't what you enjoy, it gives you a better idea of what your partner is enjoying, so you can make the whole experience the best it can be. If you don't like it, dirty talk can just kill any moment that was going. Some people like to talk but don't want to listen to someone else, while some people are the exact opposite, they want to be talked to but can't bring it up in themselves to talk dirty.

Unless you are a particularly outgoing and open person, talking dirty would either mean that you are taking off the mask that you wear all day, or putting on a mask for someone else's needs. Applause to those who don't fit into this generalization. For everyone else, like with internet use, how healthy is it to be using a mask to represent yourself? How much are we all willing to sacrifice for society's approval, and visa versa, how much will we give up for a partner?

Dirty Talk by Wynter Gordon

xoxo,

Sean Jesse Parker

Bear vs bare #itsnotjustforgaysanymore

Neil Patrick Harris? Get it?

Once upon a time, a select group of men, of the homosexual background, elected to remove their body hair through waxing, trimming, and shaving. This also became standard for women of all sexualities, and now, has even moved to the strange and rare human subcategory: the straight man. It has almost suddenly done from really "gay" to shave your junk, to being almost expect. Many women have reported to me that they absolutely hate it when guys aren't cleaned up down there. I know a straight man or two, and a vast majority of these men choose to at least trim their lowers.

As for women and gay men, it is almost required to remove your hair. My friend from home announced to out whole friend group that she does not remove her "hair from down there," and all of the girls basically screamed in shock. As for gay men, I can tell you that it is a very rare occasion when I encounter a gay man who has not "taken care of himself."

So what is the point of this? In all honesty, "when the brush is shorter, the tree seems taller." Not to mention the benefits in cleanliness. But so what this seems to be is essentially a push up bra for men. A way to appear differently from how you are. Or maybe a way to show off all that you have, rather than let it be hidden. But nevertheless, it feels like cheating. In a world where image is something you can create online, the fact that we do so many things to mask our natural image in the real world is shocking, yet ever present.

Here is a video clip that explains my pop-culture reference; however, has no relation to the content of this post. #sorrynotsorry.

xoxo,

Sean Jesse Parker

I wake up in the morning with a...boy? #wtf

Whether or not YOU have done it, we all know someone who has. That fun evening that ends up leading into an even more fun night, a "nightcap." Spending a night with someone can be more complicated than it might seem. Every decision you make after accepting an invitation to go up to someones room needs to be thought through in great detail. How far to let them go (or try to go), whether to spend the night, the proper manners when waking up in the morning, the walk-of-shame, and finally, seeing them again. All of the decisions you make could potentially have major ramifications in your social life and image thereafter.

How far do you go? A wrong answer could leave you with a reputation ranging from super skank to major prude. This will depend on the person you are with. Second base for one person could be super slutty, while for another it could be embarrassingly boring. Should you spend the night, at a certain point you will wake up (duhh..). And when this happens, a. you will either have to lay there while your partner sleeps, awkwardly thinking about what you've done, b. you will elect to sneak out of bed and leave them before he/she awakes, c. wake up to realize that the person has already woken up and gone through this same thought process on his/her own. Once, I woke up to find myself alone in the boy's room with just his roommate, who informed me that the boy I had spent the night with had left to run a marathon. Normal.

Then comes the after-effects. First is the walk-of-shame, or as I like to say, walk-of-awesome. While for most people this trudge might suggest something demeaning, I like to see it as an either an accomplishment or flop, but nevertheless, something that you did, and you should hold your head high as you show it off. The key characteristics of someone on a walk of shame are:

-Clothes that don't hit them (belonged to the person they slept with)
-Clothes clearly for a night out (short skirt, dress shirt, etc)
-Heels in hand (girls only)
-Make up down the face (girls....or maybe guys..?)
-Missing articles of clothing
-Simply being awake before 10am on a Saturday or Sunday

The clip above is from a TV show called Cougar Town, and is a scene in which the character Laurie has her first "walk of awesome" in a while.

Then, especially at a small school like Skidmore, you WILL see your late-night partner, and you WILL have to deal with them. At D-Hall, at the Spa, in class, at another party. And at that point, you will have to make perhaps the most crucial decision so far. To a. try for another time, b. try to be friends, or c. avoid that person like the plague. Most people elect option c.

xoxo,

Sean Jesse Parker

My iPhone only stays alive for three hours because of my app use #gayboyproblems

Most people in this country own a computer. Most of those people have some form of social networking service, be it Facebook, twitter, myspace, or something else. On each of these sites, the human being sitting at the computer is being represented by whatever part of themselves he or she chooses to show on the website. As many people could tell you, there are social websites like these that are specifically for the purpose of finding a partner. Some famous ones include Match.com, EHarmony.com, and ChristianMingle.com. Some of these, such as the third listed, are created to appeal to a certain demographic, in this case, christians. However, most of these websites are only rarely used by young adults in college. There is one major exception to this standard: the gay community.

Whether a young, homosexual man is in the closet or is simply unhappy with the gay pool he has to choose from, it seems that many young gay men end up on gay dating sites. The two main ones, Manhunt and Grindr, are known for having "every gay" on them. Where in straight culture it would be strange to be on an online dating site, it is socially acceptable to be on one as a gay man. Go onto one of these sites, and I guarantee that you will find at least half of all of the gay people you know on one, and at least one person you did not know was gay on one as well.

Manhunt and Grindr. These are two social networking applications that are used primarily to help gay men find men with similar interests to them in their area. Both of these sites are primarily used through an iPhone app, and Grindr even allows you to calculate your proximity from the other people using the app. This past weekend, a friend was visiting from home, who came on campus, turned on his Grindr account, and turned to me in shock and whispered: "There is another gay person in the room!!"

So, is the internet adding convenience, or taking away from intimate connection? On one hand, to have a primary way of starting gay relationships be through internet dating sites is less intimate than other options. Usually these are all just used for sexual needs, and take away from potential, more romantic, encounters. On the other hand, for gay teen suicide is a big problem. The main reason for this is the feeling of being alone, that you are the only one around suffering in the way you are suffering, being tormented, then suicide can seem like a good option. Even if it is the ONLY positive that these apps provide, they let gay men (of any age) see other gay people around them without coming out. If nothing else, I think that these social "networking" sites can help people struggling to know that there are other gay people out there, and I think that that is why many young gay men turn to them.

But thats not good.... Gay dating sites shouldn't be the only thing standing in the way of suicide. In late 2011, a very young boy named Jamey Rodemeyer killed himself. Many celebrities, including one in music and one Youtube star, posted videos responding to his death.

There needs to be something done about this problem in America. So, gay dating sites are obviously not the solution to gay teen suicide, but I think that their high level of usage compared to straight men is an indicator that society needs to do something. So do something.

xoxo,

Sean Jesse Parker

Who is excited for the Hunger Games?? #misleadingtitle #part1

Is the Hunger Games going to be the best movie of the year? Yes. Do I recommend that everyone goes to see it? Yes. Is that what my blog is going to be about? No..

The way humans relate with each other has changed drastically. One big difference with electronic communication. The way friends chat, parents reach their children, and enemies fight has gone to the internet. The way young adults relate to each other in sexual sense has changed too. Some of this has gone to the internet, and some of this has just occurred in the perception of what is normal.

As for the movement of sexuality to the internet, I will talk about that next time. However, there is also an important movement in the idealization of sexuality. While it has always been cool to be able to get "mad biddies," it is almost becoming cool to be a skank at this point. A movie came out in the past couple of years entitled "The Pregnancy Pact," which recorded true events of a group of girls, who were planning to get pregnant, as a group. In the move "Easy A," the lead role searches for popularity and recognition by becoming overly sexual. And the same goes for real life. These kinds of extreme acts of sexuality are becoming more and more popular, as it becomes more and more OK to act that way.

Last semester, a group of boys and girls created a game here on campus that they called "The Hunger Games," as a pun on the upcoming movie. However, the theme of this game was nothing like that of the movie. These students tallied up their hook ups, one point per base, no repeats, as a way to compete. Now don't get me wrong, I think that this idea is hilarious and as long as no one is getting hurt, there is no harm. However, it gives a pretty straight forward example of how the view of sexuality is changing. This probably would have been a much bigger deal years ago, but now, it is just one of a couple similar games on campus.

Oddly enough, a third "Hunger Games" has come to my attention while at Skidmore. In this game, students will go to another college where they do not know someone, and therefore leave it up to themselves to find shelter for the evening, with or without the use of sex. Or else you'll...go hungry ;) get it?

What you consider to be appropriate is up to you, and how you allow others to see you is the same. But there is a definite shift in what is normal in society. So Hunger Games? Ok, that's fine. Let's try to stay away from pregnancy pacts though..

xoxo,
Sean Jesse Parker

I'm naked right now #YOLO

Here comes a rant..sorry

While I may not be naked RIGHT NOW, I tend to spend a fair amount of time around my dorm shirtless, or on a good day (if i visited the gym maybe?) in my underwear. And honestly, I don't think that's all that weird. One of my roommates does the same thing..shirtless at least...and I've seen probably half the people on my floor without a shirt on at one point or another. Recently, my end-of-the-night-tooth-brushing has been happening around the same time as my suit-mate. As it is midnight, I am usually in what I wear to bed, which does not include a shirt. Last week, as I go out to brush my teeth, shirtless, I happen to glance to the side and notice that my suit-mate appears to be putting on a shirt, to then come outside and brush his teeth.

Now I am going to make some generalizations/assumptions. One, my suit-mate is not allergic to air, or that there was some other reason outside of self-consciousness to wear a shirt to brushing his teeth. Two, that he is not SO homophobic to assume that if he is next to me shirtless I will try to jump his bones. And three, I'll admit that he is not in the best shape. ****BUT I have seen people, in this building, in worse shape than he is in, and vastly more naked in more public areas. So with all of those accounted for, I think that it just comes down to comfort. What are you comfortable with the people around you knowing?

So in most things you do, from your internet life to your relationships with your grandparents, you have to choose how much you are willing to share. And the same goes for your body. Sharing a lot can be seen as "showing too much," or being cocky, but there is a healthy spot where you can share enough that its subtly-sexy, and still confident. This "confident-sexy spot" (a self-coined term), in my opinion, is the same for everyone. Regardless of how you look, the amount you show, to seem confident and sexual but not seem overly egotistical (or in some people's case, too confident about something you shouldn't be so confident about), is the same.

So what's the point? Reaching this "confident-sexy spot" probably gives you a boost in most people's minds. I'd give anyone who is confident in what they have an extra 2 points.

Now here are some made up figures:

-People who are confident are 10,000x more likely to become president
-If you don't wear a shirt to bed one night, the next day, you will get asked out

But in all seriousness, be confident in yourself. Even if you aren't perfect (based on the assumption that both Ryan Reynolds and Natalie Portman do not read my blog, you are not perfect), I guarantee that you will benefit. And if you can't be confident, FAKE IT. Other people will believe it, and you'll probably get a little bit closer to as well. And anyway, YOLO.

xoxo,
Sean Jesse Parker

We don't like labels #shiteveryonesays

Skidmore College has about 2,400 students, which isn't a lot. But I think that it's pretty safe to say that I am close with someone in every different relationship imaginable. International long-distance, national long-distance, dating someone who is still in high school, dating someone who has graduated college, consistent "f***-buddies," sting of one-night-stands, celibacy, "celibacy," open relationships, exclusive hook-up buddy. Pretty much spans it all, and all of it can be found in this tiny, small town, liberal arts school. Amazing.

But the funny thing about college relationships, is that perhaps 80% of the people in the relationships listed above, would label their relationship in false way. Whether you think that trying to break a string of hooking up with the same douchey lax-bro is the same as not being in a string of hook ups with the same douchey lax-bro, or if you are in denial that your long distance relationship is open, people tend to avoid correctly labeling their relationships here. And my favorite example of this is "single by choice."

Now the obvious rational for mislabeling your relationship status is safety. If you say, "oh, its just a fling," it will be far easier to act like it doesn't bother you when things end (but we all know you're crying about it inside). But I think there is a less focused upon, but perhaps just as influential process that goes into labeling. The effort in your relationship to please your partner. I believe that relationships of all kinds can be compared to writing. You want to give your "reader" a positive experience, you want your "reader" to come back after their first "reading," and you want your "reader" to want to tell everyone all about how good your "book" was. And how do we do this? 

Logos, make it seem logical. What to know what doesn't really make sense, but people do anyway? Long distance. So go ahead, lie about how you aren't still dating your girl back home. Cause that makes more sense. 

Ethos, credibility. Whatever you think they're looking for, thats what you're looking for too. If they just want to hook up, you "just want to hook up." 

Pathos, amor. There's absolutely nothing sweet or cute about having a guy to mess around with every night and avoid every day. The label "f***-buddy," is rarely used by self-respecting young men and women.

I think that it is widely recognized that communication is key in relationships; however, we are constantly lying about our desires and thoughts about our relationships. While this goal of this process is to please your partner, its a shame that we as a community cannot be honest with our significant others, and the people around us.

xoxo,

Sean Jesse Parker

I'm going to reference pop culture #sorrynotsorry

Hello everyone!

As most of you probably know, a t.v. sitcom called "Sex and the City" used to rule the lives of adult women and teenage gays. The show's main character, Carrie Bradshaw, wrote a column for a New York City newspaper, called "Sex and the City." This column was more than just the title of the show, it also provided the sitcom's writers with the ability to comment on New York sexuality through veil of a newspaper article. That is what this blog is for me. Carrie was played by an actress (or actor..whichever is politically correct these days) by the name of Sarah Jessica Parker. This was the reasoning for my name here.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my entries.

xoxo,
Sean Jesse Parker